How to become less of an introvert

Understanding Introversion and Extroversion1Recognize “introverted” traits. Introverts tend to be quieter people than extroverts. They often enjoy spending time with people, but would prefer the company of a close friend or two over a crowd of new people (don’t compare it with shyness). Some of the differences between extroverts and introverts are likely because introverts’ brains process information differently than extroverts’ do. Despite common misconceptions, introverts do not “hate people,” and they’re not always shy. The following are some common introverted traits:Seeks out solitude. Introverts generally do just fine on their own. In many cases, they prefer to be alone, at least for most of the time. It isn’t that they’re afraid of other people; it’s just that they don’t feel as strong a need to be around others.Prefers less stimulation. This refers most often to social stimulation, but it can also refer to physical stimulation. For example, introverts actually produce more saliva in response to tasting something acidic than extroverts! Noise, crowds, and bright lights (i.e., your typical nightclub) are not things introverts commonly enjoy.Enjoys the company of a few people or quiet conversations. Introverts may enjoy socializing, but they usually find even pleasant social interactions make them tired after a while, and may prefer deeper conversations instead of small talk. Introverts need to “recharge” on their own.Prefers to work alone. Introverts often do not enjoy working in groups. They would prefer to work things out on their own, or collaborate with just one or two people.Enjoys routine and making plans. Strong introverts do not respond to novelty the same way extroverts do. Introverts may have a need for routine and predictability. They may spend significant time planning or reflecting before taking any action, even small ones.2Recognize “extroverted” traits. Extroverts like to be around other people. They are often very active, and they generally have a variety of things going on.A common myth is that extroverts can’t stand to be alone, but this isn’t true. They just experience their alone time in a different way. The following are some common extroverted traits:Seeks out social situations. Extroverts are usually happiest when they have a strong social network. They experience socializing as “recharging” and may feel depleted or down if they don’t have social contact.Enjoys sensory stimulation. People who are extroverts often have a different way of processing dopamine, which makes them excited or pleased when they encounter new and stimulating experiences.May enjoy attention. Extroverts aren’t any more vain than anyone else, but they don’t usually mind it when people pay attention to them.Feels comfortable working in groups. Extroverts may not always prefer to work in groups, but they’re generally comfortable with it and it doesn’t make them uncomfortable.Enjoys adventures, risks, and novelty. Extroverts enjoy and seek out new experiences. They may get bored easily. They may also jump into an activity or experience too quickly.3Recognize that elements of extroversion are biological. Research has shown that extroversion is linked to two regions in your brain: the amygdala, which is responsible for processing your emotions, and the nucleus accumbens, which is a “reward center” that responds to stimuli with dopamine. How you respond to risks and stimuli — a key factor in extroversion — is at least partly dependent on your brain.Several studies have linked dopamine function to extroversion. It appears that extroverts’ brains are more likely to respond — and respond strongly, with chemical “rewards” — when risks or adventures pay off. Extroverts are more likely to seek novelty and variation because of their dopamine function. One study showed that people with a specific gene that enhanced dopamine were more likely to be extroverted than people without that gene.Stop Spending Time AloneIntroverts need downtime to plug in and re-energise from the stimulation of the external world. It’s where we recharge as well as discover and explore our creative minds.Solitude provides an opportunity to feel ourselves again and the chance to clear our minds and work through solutions for questions that we can bring back to the group later.Introverts get their charge from connecting inwards (solitude, creativity etc). Extroverts on the other hand draw their energy from being around external sources of stimulation (people and activities).Stop being introverted: when you feel tired and overwhelmed by the world find a crowd of people to immerse yourself in. (n.b. this will leave you even more drained)HOW TO STOP BEING AN INTROVERT1. Use Your Phone MoreNot all recharge time is equal. I don’t know about you but I sometimes spend time in solitude, assuming I’m recharging my batteries, but I end up feeling even more drained and isolated afterwards.My phone has significant responsibility in this. Well actually, I take responsibility because I choose to use it. But I’ve found that turning off push notifications, and turning off the sound makes it a lot easier to remain distraction free when engaging in activities that will actually feed my soul.In this age of modern technology we’re never truly unplugged, so we need to be hyper vigilent about how we are caring for our inner introvert at recharge time. 2. Turn Up YOUR Volume‘Why are you so quiet?’ You’ve probably been asked this. It will certainly have been observed of you at times, perhaps when you’re tired or taking in a new situation/group of people. You may believe that to be less introverted you need to stop being shy and anxious. But how?Stop noticing the world. Stop processing the things that you see, hear, smell, taste, and feel.There are studies that show highly sensitive people (70% of whom are introverts), will pause to observe before getting involved in new situations. This is often interpreted as shyness, anxiety, and fear, but brain scans have proved that these responses are not actually present. The quiet pause is a natural instinctive reaction that allows the individual to process as much information as possible before acting.Stop being introverted: throw yourself into new things without thinking. Don’t assess the situation or the people before speaking out or acting, just go with the flow and deal with consequences later. (n.b. this goes against every natural instinct you carry and will leave you alienated from yourself).3. Think Out Loud Has anyone ever asked: ‘what are you thinking about?’ Annoying isn’t it!Introverts process the world internally, extroverts process it externally. In other words introverts think quietly, extroverts think out loud. It can be a cause for irritation to both when encountering the other.Stop being introverted: stop thinking in your head and speak up. If a thought comes to mind open your mouth and allow it to come out. (n.b. you’ll feel shame because the things that you say are not what you believe – you need time to process and consider what you think before you share it).4.Obsess Over Expanding Your Social Circle Introverts are usually happier with a few close friends. They don’t have a natural need to connect into an ever increasing network of people. They prefer to go deeper with a small pond, than shallow upon the surface of a large ocean. However, because of societal messages and the “extrovert ideal” the belief that we must be forever broadening our reach and catching more friends, whether in real life or online, can create a disconnect within ourselves.Stop being introverted: stay in the shallows. Don’t engage in deep conversations that might put people off. Gossip is usually a good option for making people enjoy hearing what you have to say. Judge your self-worth by the quantity rather than quality of your relationships.(n.b. we all need social connections, but if you have too many as an introvert and you try to be vulnerable with those you don’t know so well you will feel alienated from yourself).Still Want to ‘Stop Being Introverted’?Your introversion is a beautiful part of who you are. It’s the foundation of your rhythm. It’s what drives your hopes and dreams. When you stop believing it to be something that needs fixing, you will learn to see it as a gift.It’s not something to be less of, but something to be more understanding and nurturing of.I hope I’ve helped you remember that when you experience those moments of doubt. When you wish that you weren’t ‘such an introvert’ that you remember and enjoy the amazing blessings of such a temperament. It doesn’t stop you from doing anything you WANT to do, once you begin to live in a positive relationship with it.When people want or expect you to be different just remember that you’re not alone and that in time the world will come to fully accept the quiet and gentle rebels that make up 50% of it.…it might also be worth remembering that on occasion extroverts wish they were less extroverted. In fact a few days ago I heard someone lamenting the fact that they think out loud. They were wishing they could think things through first.Many people with curly hair wish their hair was straight, and many with straight hair wish theirs was curly. The desire to be different to what we are comes very naturally to human beings.